A Photo blog on Motherhood

by: Pamela Tesorero Esteves

If there's one thing I wish I could've done better as a mother, it would have been being able to breastfeed my baby. From conception to delivery there were many times we'd ask ourselves, "How worse can it get?" "Will it get any more painful than this?" Please don't say "Ay tamtamin mu, at maurag ka!" because that's rude. Haha seriously, though, quite a few times we ran into a situation when we felt like we've reached the threshold of pain we can tolerate.

Kind-spirited friends and relatives warned me on how painful it is to go through labor and delivery, but I didn't understand it until I went through it myself. Whenever I see on tv or movies women wailing and balling in the delivery room, I thought they must have been overreacting. But when it was my turn in the labor room, after 12 hours of pain I also found myself crying my heart out and repeatedly saying "Tama na po. Di ko na kaya."

Unlike giving birth, no one mentioned that it was just as painful to breastfeed. It made me shiver, gave me a fever and brought me back to tears. My mammary glands were like balls that were about to burst any minute. Still, for one reason or another, I didn't succeed at breastfeeding. 

When I felt like I couldn't bear the pain of labor any longer, I was given a C-section. When my baby was not getting any milk when he latched, we decided to give him formula.

Afterward, when a baby was already a few months old I would look back and ask myself, "Did I give up easily?" "If I held on a little longer, if I used a more powered breast pump, sipped more liquids, ate more Malunggay, did more warm compress and massages would I have been successful?"

Maybe, as a mother, we'd always have self-doubts. We'd always wonder if we are giving our best to our little one. But even if people say we're exaggerating, we gave our life to bring our child to life, and we will continue to do so until he can make through life by himself.

With that, I think it is never right for a man to treat a woman as if he was not brought to life by another woman. Also, it is not fair for a daughter or a son to forget about his mom when the time comes that he is very much capable on his own. Or, to be eventually taken for granted is another sacrifice women make as a mother?