Talkspace Reminds You to Take Time for Yourself

Being a people-pleaser isn’t necessarily always a bad thing. But people pleasing without a healthy respect for your needs, opinions, and wants can be hard to contend with on day by day basis. You end up frequently doing things you don’t want to do to make others happy. But you don’t get to do what you want to do, so you become unhappy. You might internalize other individual’s pain without dealing with your pain. You may worry about whether people will eliminate you from their lives if you don’t do what you want them to do. You aren’t responsible for making others happy at all times. And you don’t have to be perfect all the time to feel like a worthy individual or to make others happy. When all you try to do is to please others, you lose a part of yourself along the way. Deep down, you are worthy of love from others, even if you don’t satisfy them all of the time, according to counselors at Talkspace.

Why do People Feel the Need to Please Others?

Many people-pleasing tendencies evolve as we try to protect ourselves from rejection and its accompanying sadness. Talkspace counselor Rachel O’Neil states that people who have problems setting boundaries may fear disappointing others or that people won’t like them. Or they might be afraid of losing their social group.

How Can You Find Your Boundaries and Keep Your Identity? 

To be able to discover a balance between self-compassion and helping others, you need to be able to accept yourself with no conditions, no matter what your inner critic may be saying. Here are five personal actions you can take to become more self-accepting:

1. You need to permit yourself to say no.

2. Tune into your emotions before you try to deal with someone else’s feelings. Once you understand how you feel, you’ll know whether you’re prepared to deal with someone else’s feelings or if you need to schedule some personal time to get yourself together. It’s okay not to answer messages or phone calls right away. Take time to get in touch with yourself before you get into a struggle or help someone else with their problems.

3. Meditate to increase self- loving kindness. If you aren’t grounded in your feelings, you won’t be able to set boundaries for your relationships with others. A loving-kindness meditation may be as simple as sitting quietly and thinking such thoughts as “May I be filled with loving-kindness,” or “May I be well in my body and mind.” Once you become calm and centered, you can then send these helpful wishes on to someone else by adding their names to the meditation.

4. Be careful with self-sacrifice. If you consistently do things for other people when you don’t want to, or at the expense of the person’s sense of well-being, it’s time to take a new look at the ways and times you sacrifice yourself for others.

5. Ask for personal support. Working with a therapist can help you identify your people pleasing tendencies. A skilled therapist can also help you set boundaries between yourself and others that might be healthier for all people involved in the relationship.

If you need help setting boundaries between your needs and others, contact Talkspace today. Don’t be afraid to request help from a qualified online therapist to keep your life and relationships healthy. You and your self-esteem are worth the work.