Filipino parents are among the most loving and supportive parents in the world. However, they can also among the most toxic parents with some cultural things that are quite common to Filipinos no matter where they are.
Raising kids is hard enough;
parenting in a cross-cultural setting makes it even harder. That is why most
Filipino parents default to the traditional Filipino parenting ways because
that is their comfort zone. However, not everything that Filipino parents do is
helpful and relevant these days.
There are some things that we can improve and perhaps even do away with, even if it is already part of the Filipino culture. After all, not everything cultural and traditional is beneficial in the long run.
Toxic Things Most Filipino Parents Do that
Filipino Parents Should Avoid
Avoiding some of the most toxic things that most Filipino parents do does not
mean we're raising a generation of snowflakes but it is ensuring that our
children do not grow up with the same emotional hang-ups and mental baggage that our
generation has. Freeing them from these things will enable them to do far
greater things than what our generation can do.
Comparing their children with
others
One of the worst things that can
break a child's self-esteem and confidence is when their parents start
comparing them to other people. The moment parents do this, a child shirks back
and becomes more insecure, which can lead them to not realizing their full
potential.
Statements like, "Why
can't you be more like your sister and do well in school" or "You
should do what your brother is doing because that's what a boy should be like"
are damaging and will leave children scarred for life. Their minds will be in a
constant battle against insecurity and wanting to prove something.
Raising children to become
their retirement investments
It is the parents' job to provide
for their children. It does not end, neither is there a point where the roles
will be reversed. Unfortunately, a lot of Filipino parents raise children with
their retirement in mind; that as long as they raise successful kids with
brilliant careers, their needs will be taken care of when they're in their
golden years.
It doesn't and shouldn't work
that way. Children should never have the burden of providing for their parents
when they grow older. As parents, your responsibility is to prepare your
children for a successful life and to prepare for your retirement. Believing
that your children owe you for all the time, energy, and resources you put into
raising them is a mindset that should be broken.
Tyrannical and dictatorial
parenting
Filipinos are very conservative
and somewhat traditional people. While this is one of their endearing and
interesting qualities, it can also manifest in unpleasant ways such as totalitarian parenting at home.
Many Filipino parents tend to
pull rank at home in all aspects of a child's life, leaving their hands tied
behind their backs, unable to decide for themselves and what they want for
their lives. This kind of parenting is the type that tells their kids "it's
my way or the highway." In households where parents are tyrannical and
dictatorial, kids are left with no say at all on important matters involving
their lives and their interests. These are the types of parents that will
impose what they believe is best for their kids because they think they know
better.
This type of toxic parenting
could lead to people ending up in careers they don't like. For instance, not
all doctors want to be doctors. If you talk to some of them, they will tell you
it was their parents' decision for them to go to med school.
If you ask them what they would
rather do, some would say they want to be professional dancers. Others would
say they would rather own a ranch and hold on to horse
tacks and reins the whole day living the simple life of a farmer and
livestock breeder. Perhaps others would say they have always wanted to serve in
the military.
While there's nothing wrong with
being a doctor; in fact, it's a noble job, a lot of childhood dreams have been
crushed by parents who imposed their will upon their children's' with no regard
whatsoever for their children's dreams and ambitions.
Unrealistic standards and
expectations from their children
Some of the best professionals,
tradesmen, and skilled workers in the world are Filipinos. Their resilience and
drive make them excel in what they do. Their drive for excellence is one of the
qualities that have caused them to end up in different countries all over the
world. It seems like wherever you go, you're bound to run into a Filipino.
However, this quest for
excellence, this drive to be successful, has caused a lot of heartbreaks for a
lot of Filipino children who are held to a certain standard by their parents.
Actually, those standards are really high which can somehow already be
unrealistic or too burdensome on a child. It can even get to the point that a
child's schedule is so laden with activities that he or she no longer has time
to enjoy being a kid.
No comments:
Post a Comment